Services

Within the
circles of our
lives we dance
the circles of the
years. The
circles of the
seasons within
the circles of the
years. The cycles
of the moon
within the circles
of the seasons.
The circles of our
reasons within
the cycles of the
moon

-Wendell Berry

It has been almost two years since my
Mother crossed. As I finished typing her
funeral rites and Eulogy on to this site, I
realized that tomorrow is the anniversary of
her death. No wonder the call to honor her on
my website felt so strong.

Like most Neo-Pagans and Heathens, my
Mother was a Christian. Unlike many, I had
her full support on my spiritual path. I place
this information on my site not only to
honor my Mother but to help those who find
themselves surrounded by the symbols and
language of another religion in a time of
great emotional stress and pain. With a
little modification I was able to honor who
my Mother was as well as comfort myself in
a time of great sorrow. The beauty of
symbols is that they have many meanings.
Words are symbols too.

I also found out that the funeral industry
has a "language'. So when I inquired about
having a candle at one or both ends of my
Mother's casket at the wake, I was asked if I
wanted a "Catholic set up". I inquired as to
what this meant and was told that there
would be a candle placed at both ends of the
casket. I replied that I did indeed want a
"Catholic set up".

I was also going to ask about making the
strings on the balloons we sent up at
graveside paper or bio-degradable. However, I
simply ran out of energy. This happens.
Even if the deceased had the forethought to
make arrangements a head of time (as
thankfully, my Mother did), there are still a
surprising number of very emotional
decisions to make at a time when a person
just wants to shut down. Perhaps, it is the
very need to make so many decisions that
keeps most of us somewhat sane during a
time such as this.

I want to thank the members, both past and
present, of Chalice Well Coven. Especially
Aurora and Cuj. Not only did their
friendship, support and love help guide me
through this difficult time but without the
training I received in Chalice Well Coven, I
would not have been able to plan my Mother's
funeral, write her Eulogy and speak at her
funeral. I was working on my 3rd degree
when my Mother died. At the time, I was not
sure that I could write a ritual for this
particular rite of passage. My training not
only allowed me to write it but allowed me to
write something I was proud to honor my
own Mother with.

Helen Grace
1941-2006

My Mother died at the age of 64 on January
27, 2006. I was the only person who was able
to plan the structure of the services and
speak at her funeral. I was lucky enough to
have the support of the clergy person in the
planning my Mother's funeral. "Cowboy"
told me that he would help me create what I
felt would be the most appropriate services to
honor my Mother. He really seemed to
connect to the symbols and message that I
wanted my Mother's funeral to convey. In
reality, he did much more than that. He
completed the message and helped us send
my Mother on her new journey with love, care
and support. As my Mother did not belong to
a church, I was very concerned I would get a
"fire and brimstone" Bible-belt preacher.
What my family got in Cowboy was a true
gift in a time of great need.

I wanted my Mother's funeral to not only
honor her life but also help her move forward.
The symbol would be a circle, the focus on
cycles. That all endings are also
beginnings.

I prepared the clothes my Mother was buried
in. I selected a dress of spring green, washed
it then hung it out to dry in the sun. After
Ironing the dress, I wrote a note to my
Mother on a small piece of paper. I rolled the
paper up and sewed it into one of the
shoulders of the dress. A friend of mine had
given me a piece of rose quartz to help me
move through my grief. I also sewed this
into her clothing. I then sewed a tiny, tin,
enameled cross that had a small, pink rose
painted on it. I sewed this to the bodice of the
dress along with a small, pink satin ribbon.
I have had this cross since I was a baby and
felt that it should remain with her. I spoke to
my Mother throughout this process. I
showered the dress with messages of love and
with tears.

My Mother was a life long Elvis fan. With
this in mind, I listened to a few of her many
Elvis CDs to find the music for this ritual. I
selected "I Believe", "Peace in the Valley" and
"Amazing Grace" to be played at her funeral
services. Amazing Grace was also played at
my maternal Grandmother's funeral over
ten years ago. My Grandmother's first name
was Grace. My Mother and I share the same
middle name: Grace. Together, we were the
three Graces of the family.

After the funeral, at graveside, Cowboy read
"Do not stand by my Grave and weep". We
all had balloons. I asked that everyone take a
moment to think of a positive message that
they would like my Mother to take with her
as she begins her next journey. As people
thought of their message, they let go of the
balloon. We watched the colorful balloons
float into the air and out of site, in silence.

Most people went up to the casket to touch it
before we were asked to step away so that it
could be lowered into the ground.
My Father then invited everyone to his
favorite local diner to eat. Those of us in the
Wiccan world would refer to this as
"grounding". It is a way of reconnecting to
the physical world after a ritual.

The following is the eulogy I spoke at my
Mother's funeral services. Many will
recognize several of the passages that I
modified. As I was the only Pagan/Wiccan
in attendance, I wanted to create something
that would speak to everyone. Once I started,
I was an amazingly easy thing to do.

Eulogy

This is a time that is not a time, in a place
that is not a place, on a day that is not a
day. We stand between the worlds beyond the
bounds of time. Where night and day, birth
and death, joy and sorrow meet as one.

I feel this passage reflects the way that my
Father, brothers and I have felt over the last
few days as we have prepared Mom and
ourselves for this ritual. Between the worlds,
where the rhythm of time is changed or has
little meaning. Where what once seemed so
important, is put aside in recognition of
what is important.

We are here today to honor my Mother's life.
To speak of the life that was and to move her
forward on her journey with wishes of love
and peace. While we experience sadness, there
is also beauty to be found in this ritual of
transformation. The beauty of having
friends, family and community speak of
their affection for my Mother.

Throughout the last few days people have
described her as: kind, caring, considerate,
strong-willed, open-hearted, generous, a bit
eccentric (when it comes to her cats), loving
and most of all "a good person". Mom would
often make special treats or pick up some
small gift to let people know that she cared
for them. She made a special effort to keep
up with friends and family and to remember
their important days.

She was a devoted champion of the underdog,
giving much of her time, energy and efforts
to animals that were considered
"undesirable". I also know that those around
her returned her generosity in way that she
was never made aware of. There seems to have
been a flow of kindness that moved back and
forth between my Mother, her friends and
members of the animal rescue community. It
is comforting to know that Mom was
appreciated by others and that she will be
missed by many.

As with all rites of passage, there is the
honoring of what was and the celebration of
what will be. We send my Mother on her
journey of transformation with messages of
love, hope, abundance and peace. It is
through these bright messages that we can
remain connected to her as she moves on to
the next phase in the great cycle of birth,
death, rest and renewal. For this Rite of
Passage is not really about endings at all
but about transformation, change and new
beginnings.

What is it that the Divine asks of us?
Keep pure you highest ideals, let nothing
stop you nor turn you aside. For mine is the
secret door that opens upon the land of
youth. And mine is the cup, the wine of life,
the cauldron of regeneration that is also the
holy grail of immortality. I am the gracious
Creator that gives the gift of joy unto the
hearts of all. Upon Earth, I give knowledge of
the spirit eternal, beyond death I give peace
and freedom and reunion with those who
have gone before. Spill no blood, take no life
in my name. For I am the Giver of all and
my love is poured out upon the Earth. *

There is a saying, "Merry meet, Merry part
and Merry meet again". This saying asks
us to remember that there are no endings
without beginnings. That regardless of the
nature of the parting, that we will be brought
together again with those we love.

So Mom, Merry meet, merry part and merry
meet again.
Abundant blessings upon your journey.

*modified from Doreen Valiente's "Charge of
the Goddess"

Music: "I believe" as sung
by Elvis Presley